Something to ponder....

Found this in a profile....read it & think of what it says...makes us truly cherish & appreciate those people that we call 'friends' around us...P.S Sorry..its in Malay...

Apabila kau ingin SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Janganlah kerana kelebihannya,
Kerana mungkin dengan satu kelemahan,
Kau mungkin akan menjauhinya....

Andai kau ingin SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Janganlah kerana kebaikannya,
Kerana mungkin dengan satu keburukan,
Kau akan membencinya....

Andai kau inginkan SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Janganlah kerana ilmunya,
Kerana apabila dia buntu,
Kau mungkin akan memfitnahnya....

Andai kau inginkan SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Janganlah kerana sifat cerianya,
Kerana andai dia tidak pandai menceriakan,
Kau mungkin akan menyalahkannya....

Andai kau inginkan SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Terimalah dia seadanya,
Kerana dia seorang TEMAN ,
Yang hanya manusia biasa....

Kelemahan ... Kekurangan ... Keburukan ..
Kalau itu yang kau boleh terima dari seorang TEMAN
Tidak mustahil kau akan memperolehi keseimbangan dalam berteman
Kerana kau juga tidak sempurna,
Tiada siapa yang sempurna.....

Selamat Menyambut Ramadan...

Hello ppl of the world..hehe..mcm banar bah me ah becakap sama ppl m around the world..Been quite a long time since my last entry..just been busy d past week or so...busy doing stuff at work & life..not so much of life plg tu..Im on my 1st night shift & its the start of 1st Ramadan...

Sambil2 kan menunggu sahur...i decided to do some writing in my blog...colleagues yg lain udah knock down...kepisan tapi i know drg atu tido2 ayam..ia tah krg kan makan drg for sahur coz semua jadi ayam dah hehe...Anyway, would like to wish all muslims around the world a joyful & happy Ramadan...1 mth of fasting..the holy month of Ramadan marks the time when muslims around the world would fast from dawn till dusk...enduring all the challenges that Allah have in mind for each individual muslim.

Was remembering those times when i started the fasting month in spore last year. The fasting month fell during the 2 wks 'block' week where all of us were in the poly for our theory. If my mind remembers correctly..i had one exams paper during that time or was it a few of my assignments were due for submission. But i managed to do it & submitted them on time.

Fasting month & being in another country was quite a sad thing coz the 5 of us who were there for studies were actually 1st timers having to fast & endure the fasting month away from our families. Its a tradition for Bruneian muslims to gather during the breaking fast on the 1st day of Ramadan. But for us, it was just the 5 of us & we had classes but it was a great experience. I remembered that we all gather at one of the girls' house & was planning to bring food for breaking fast. Among us, i finished my classes early so i had ample time for rest & going out to buy food for the gathering later. But..knowing me being the sleepy head...slept thru till abt 6pm...

Noticing that it was 6pm & thinking in mind that the breaking fast time was similar to the time in Brunei...i jumped out of bed..had a quick shower & took a cab to buy some food & thinking "Shit..Shit..Shit!!..im late & they must have been waiting my share of food. When i arrived at the girls' place..i saw them still waiting for the time to break fast...being so used to breaking fast at a regular time in Brunei...the waiting for Spore's time was painstaking..haha..lapar bah..coz that morning ..i had an early sahur coz my classes started at 8am ulike the girls where their classes started around 10am i think.

So kami ani biasa la..belimpangan udah mcm langau kana spray shieldtox...kes kelaparan banar udah & moderately dehydrated. Makanan udah pld behidang di atas meja..menunggu kana jamah je..mcm di Brunei..menungga tah kami ni azan d tv coz nda tau channel apa kan di tune in for azan arah radio..haha..almost 9mths d spore.,.masih jua nda tau which channel kan mendangar azan..ketara bah channel lain yg di dangar..kwang3x...

Anyway..tunnggu punya tunggu..nada jua azan ani..so one of decided to call our muslim frens d spore..rupanya udah dlm 10mins urg sungkai..atu ya bila udah tau atu..bediri bah tarus sorang2..baca niat buka posa & dengan rakusnya makan..haha..nada lah..tertib masih kami walaupun kelaparan...as usual semua makanan kan di rasa..had a long list of menu on the table...tapi yg di jamah..sikit2 jua ganya...

Lahib bah usul sorang2 time makan ah...tapi jgn silap..masih control ayu sorang2...as usual..lapas makan..begambar tah jua coz betenaga udah sorang2 kan senyum...hehe..sadly one of us nada in the pic coz classnya abis akhir & she had group discussion jua for the project that they are doing..kesian jua tu...mcm tah drg nda dapat tundaka ke esoknya coz kami kan kumpul sama2 for sungkai...ceh!!...binawi bnr drg ah..but its ok...we left some food for her..in fact a lot..mcm2 bule di talannya bila ia balik & bule lagi bah jua pakai sahur..

The days after that was mcm hari2 biasa je di sana atu..mcm nda posa jua rasanya coz nda kerasahan bah suasana posa di sana...tampat membali barang penyungkaian pun a bit far so slalunya i just tapau from poly's cafeteria or biasa la d kadai b4 balik.

After the 2 wks, kami semua kuar for our clinical attachments. The girls mostly kana morning shift & office hours but me kana shift duties di Kandang Kerbau Women & Child Health Hospital. D spore..kaja mcm biasa..nda kira bangsa apa...so for me..kalau me posa..my break time atu biasa la..me ke nurses lounge d tingkat satu n catch up on my beauty sleep. Nada urang peduli kan behapa tani d lounge atu...kan bekaraoke bule...tido bule...basically apa2 saja bule la...but mesti during break time je...Ngalih la kaja di sana atu coz patients banyak berabis..the ward tampat me attachment atu lagi slalu full...kan patah saja nda kaki ani bah mejalan & buat kaja..posa tah lagi..dugaan tah bnr....but ada jua sioknya coz tau2 kan time sungkai tah udah if kaja ptg...kalau kaja pagi..balik rumah je tarus masuk bilik tarus pengsan..haha.

Ok lah nanti lagi me ceta my experiences posa d perantauan..mcm tah ada urang kan membaca..hehe..baru ani received a call from Emergency dept ..ada kanak2 masuk lagi...my 3rd admission for the shift...wuhuu..meriah eh..balum lagi ku sahur ni...will be having nasi goreng butter chicken for sahur...yum yum!!..mau..hehe..bah esok mlm lagi me sambung if ada kan me add & nda byk my patients...Ciao cutie ppl!!

Gaining peace in mind...

Been a few days since i've last write up any entries here. Quite a turmoil in my life lately...mostly depressing... :(

1stly, my application for sponsorship to Monash Uni was turned down. I was told that it was a basic nursing degree & they wanted me to do a degree specialising in paeds...& the only place that offers such degrees is the Uks. But i'm just wondering why i have to do so...the course that i took in Spore is a specialised one & its the same modules that the unis in Uks are offering. Why waste my time doing things that i have done & in fact its just gonna waste govt's money. Though in Uk, i would be offered a full time course for 2 yrs & in Monash i was offered a 3 yrs course, i would prefer going to Monash. Monash have allowed me to be exempted from most of the paeds modules that they offer & i was given the choice to take up other specialised modules like neonatal to fill up the 3 yrs course. That would be better & it wont be a waste. Just imagine!! i go to uk..get exempted in most of the paeds modules there..lots of free time...im just gonna be there for the sake of being there but not fulfilling what i wanted to do. If i'm sent to Monash, though i'll be doing basic nursing degree, it would be very beneficial for me. Its been almost 9 yrs that i've not done adult nursing and other nursing specialities. If i finished my studies & if im up for promotion, i would be knowledgable in handling cases other than my own field of speciality. How do you feel if you are the nursing officer on call & running the management of the nursing aspects of the hospital but you dont have a distinct idea of how to manage cases which are not from your field? Dont you think that you would look stupid as a senior but not knowing how to do so? i would!!

Anyway..if thats what they want me to do..i guess i just have to do so...i still wanna further my studies abroad...in order for me to do so...just follow la apa yg drg mau..nda di ikut then i wont get my chances to do so...payah nyamu...i do understand that we dont usually get what we want.

Was at the beach a few days ago....lapas lepak with my frens at LRC coz durang involve in the exhibition thingy di sana. After mendangani durang skajap & memanyap those displayed items, i sat at the beach...thinking abt my life...my career & everything that was encircling my life masa ani...since i had my camera with me so i just took snaps here & there but this picture of the beach just caught my attention. So calm...so peaceful...so smoothing to my eyes...How i wish my life is as calm & peaceful as the picture...but whats life without its ups & downs...bukan kehidupan namanya tu..nda ja?!! Hehe...Ntah ah sometimes i just feel that my life is just being quite unlucky but bila di pikirkan, there are quite a number of the 'ups' moments...those moments slalunya buat me appreciate me being myself...& most of the 'down's events have made me who i am..stronger but yet not strong enough..thats how i feel la abt myself.... Honestly there are times that i regretted living but i tried my best not to think abt that so much...krg gila ku..hehe..but andang jua udah aku ani gila...thats what most of my frens tell me..coz durang slalu liat me as the jovial person..aka happy-go-lucky lad...but whats inside of me..no one knows how i truly feel...the feeling of being unwanted, love deprived, useless and ada jua masanya unworthy of having happiness in this world. Lului plg rasanya kalau me pikirkan abt those stuff but thats just me. But 1 thing for sure..i dont mix my inner feelings with work...at work..im that so called cheerful, fun & at times sarcastic person...haha...laser bah mulut ani...but laser pun..baik kali ah...Baik kah?!! kwang3x!!!

Going on nite shift later...krg lagi menyambung my entry...kalau nda bz la d wad atu...children's ward..very un predictable..krg tah ku tangas pintu emergency d bawah atu..supaya nada kanak2 sakit datang...mcm banar bah me atu..hehe..anyway later peeps!!

Cutie Angels In My Heart

Don't they look like the cutest cuddly kids that one could ever love? When i'm feeling kinda down, they will always manage to put back the smile on my face. Lola..Anis..Danish...Love All Of You So So Much.....

Enough is ENOUGH...Here I come....

Raging anger inside of me? Why one may ask? Thats how i've been feeling the past few days...Tried my best to contain that emotion but i guess now is the BEST time to let everything out. Basically i have been mistreated for the kindness that i have given to ppl around me... Why are ppl doing this to me?

All my life, i have been trying my best to be Mr Nice guy to all the ppl around me especially to those ppl who were given the privilages to be someone special in my heart. Most of the time i end up being the person who gets all the hurt. I grieved and made terms with all the things & evenets that occured. I was weak & just gave in. NOT ANYMORE!! I have had enough of everything. I am the type of person who would give up everything just to make the person that i like or love or whatever that you ppl out there may call it but i do have my limits. After getting what they wanted, i'm just ignored now, unwanted & useless to those ppl who said they like me & starting to fall in love with me...URGGH!!!! Lies...ALL LIES!!...I was comfortable with my limited circles of frens..these ppl are the ones who are there & would still be there by my side especially during my ups & downs. I greatly appreciated these ppl & pls know that you all are in a very special place in my heart. You all mean everything..I really mean EVERYTHING...

Now back to those so called ppl who liked me or whatever bull that pops out of their mouth, i regretted knowing all of you. Thought that having 'you' would made my life filled with colours & sweetness of the world but NAH!! it just just too good to be true.. Maybe there was a momentarily glitch in your neuronal system that made 'you' went cuckoo...which i'm really praying hard you would be the world's worst 'cuckoo'. All of 'you' knew that if someone is good to me, i would be doubled or better in devoting myself to the friendship or relationship but if that person hurts me without any apparent reasons, i can be the newly found HE-DEVIL that the world has ever known. They obviously wanted to see the devil in me so for all of 'you', here it comes. Crawling & tearing each & every dignity that 'you' may have. My goal is now to just keep my life going, making myself happy but at the same time i'm just gonna plan my next moves in making those 'you' a hell of a life. Don't expect any kindness from me coz there wou'nt be any for 'you'. Being cruel and sarcastic would be the In-thing for me now but only to them. Play with fire & will definitely get a stronger one in return. Me ani nda pulang mudah penyampai hati but kalau udah kana buat mcm ani..yes i would do it. Pebaik tah urang atu ampai2 dying & asking for my help, i would just let them rot to death for all i care. Kalau udah jahat atu..baik tah ku jahat berabis. Done a whole lot of sins in my life so adding one more would just be nothing for me. Sama jua me sendiri yang tanggung. I hate myself having to treat ppl like this but 'you' made me to do so. Its just not my nature & against my principles in life but what the hack!! Just do what i've got to do & be done with it. I'm still giving them chances to explain their actions but these chances have their time limits so better start thinking of how & what to say coz once im fed up...i'll be a machine gun aiming each & every word that comes out of my mouth to 'you' as my target.

Non-sleepy Morning..AGAIN!!

Back from work this morning...suppose to be doing what the picture shows...but NOT!! Selalu bah macam ani a couple of times so got used to it plg hehe. The baby sleeps so soundly & so so cute & cuddly...kinda like me...hehe...BANAR!!...sama tu usulku kalau ku tido....YA Think!! rite?!!!

Was looking at my friendster account...viewing those 'friends' that i've added. Most of them are those that have requested to be added on my friends' list but have no communication whatsoever with them. Well that's cyberworld. Cant be bothered actually as long as they dont disturb me & my life...so be it.

Work was ok last night. One of our old patient was admitted due to his chronic condition. The last time is saw him when a few months ago & he was quite ok. Still manage to throw me a smile though he was in pain while i took some blood sample from him. Cried for a while that time but he knows that i have to do it. Still remembered when he was 1st diagnosed with the condition that he's having now. His joints esp those at his fingers were swollen, tender & moderately swolen. Thrying to entertain him coz he was kinda gloomy that day, i imitate how a penguin walked & at the same time Pingu was on tv. He managed to imitate Pingu's walk better than i did Haha!! thus i nicknamed him 'Pingu'. He usually walked around the wardusing his comfy flip flop...actually bedroom slippers with a bunny at the tip of the slippers. So so cute!! That incident would always be there in my mind....

Now he's back in the ward....BUT this time is isnt cheerful...he looks frail, so so thin....bony everywhere...was on IV fluids & monitors. The disease has affected his liver & kidneys and from the looks of things...he deteriorating...at quite a fast rate i should say. The way night he was running fever despite of the meds that my colleagues & i gave. After midnight, he woke up & asked for some fried crabsticks that his dad bought early in the evening. Ate a piece i think & went to sleep. This morning ariund 5 am to 6 am, he woke up while my colleagues were checking him. He requested his mom to take him down to the food shop at Block B's lobby czo he wanted to buy some food. I wasn't there coz i was at the counter after giving meds to other patients. Sad isnt it? It was his 4th birthday yesterday & was admitted on that day. I went to his room to see how he was doing & i just can't bear looking at him in that state..so thin..so weak...Crystal of tears started to form & before they could be obviously seen, i walked out of the room & tried my best to keep them from falling. I know that i should be strong & should be immune to such situations after the years that i've worked with children & babies that were very sick. With him, its just different. Being one of our patients in the ward..he kinda stick to us coz he's cute & funny at times with such a sweet smile..Cool looking when he uses his sunglasses in the ward...As for now...i just pray hard for his recovery though i know he's going downhill in his health. No cure for his condition but we still give him the best care possible to make him feel comfortable. Will be on night shift again later so will see how's he is progressing. Quite sleepy now...do need my beauty sleep hehe..ganya..nda jua mau handsome bah mua ani...makin bida ada plg...haha..later ppl...will write more later if im not that busy at work...

My 2nd Day Off....

Woke up quite early hari ani around 12nn if i'm not mistaken despite of sleeping around 5am tadi..Thanks to mengusai my blog ani & thanks to Noy..my accomplice..Hehe..Jgn marah my dearest Noy. Anyway, was feeling bored so i texted my ward in charge, guess what did i ask her? I wanted to come to work..Kira volunteer la masa my off day ani. Colleagues at work says that i'm the most stupid person to do that; requesting to come to work on my off day. Gila kali pakah nya durang me ani..hehe. Kali jua ah..tapi andang jua udah ulah gila2 at work. Prefers to be the jovial type with my babies & children di wd atu. But sadly the boss said jangan tah datang keraja coz pesakit nda byk & cukup udah staff bekeraja. Boring tah ku tarus...Menalur bah di rumah ah!!

I think it was about 3pm...the ward boss called me up asking for my help to type the appraisal forms for the staff of the ward & clinic. Katanya, just received news from MOH yg the appraisal for this year should be submitted to the ministry before mid of the month. Mcm i'm just wondering why so soon coz i totally forgot today's date which place my boss & us, the seniors of the ward, very limited time to do appraisals for the staff. Since i don't have anything to do, suppose to belajar but nda jau mau belajar, i volunteered to do the data entry of the appraisal forms into the ward's desktop. Nda plg payah bah coz format udah ada so just adjust sana sini, make necessary amendments & enter those data. Started doing those things at 4.10pm & basically finished at 645pm. Dapat plg di siapkan laju & awal but i just took my own sweet time. Udah rasa kelaparan aka kebulur baru tah buat everything in a flash...al maklum la..bangun pukul berapa but didnt eat anything. Rushed home & tarus dinner...nowadays i try my best to have my dinner at least by 8pm or before. Haha..for health reasons plg tu...kiranya kan jaga badan la tapi i think i'm still the same..fat as ever before..Kekeke!!

Was browsing thru my external hard disk & noticed the pic that i saved for an email that i received from one of my friends. Its that pic at the top of this entry. An aerial night view of Clark Quay & Boat Quay of Spore. Made me miss the place that i used to call my 2nd home. Kan me baru jua abis belajar dari sana so really miss those places that i've been too di sana. Miss the delicious food, the clubbing areas esp those at Chinatown & Tanjong Pagar like Taboo & Play. At clark quay atu..jarang me ke sana coz not much of my type of crowd there. St James Power Station pun nda jua berapa jauh dari sana...pun top class clubbing place. Since i enjoy menari, biasa la..sampai je...nda payah di jemput ani bah...could find the dance floor in the dark...Hahaha!! But above all, i still prefer Taboo & Play...great crowds on Fridays till Sundays.

When i was in spore, i've got lots of things to do...window shopping, clubbing..hmmm window shopping, outings, clubbing, shopping..opps..looks like shopping & clubbing seem to be my main agenda there..i thought i was suppose to study. Well i cant study 24hrs a day, don't you think so? Work & fun comes hand in hand for me. Anyway did pretty ok on my course..thats important right? Singapore will be celebrating its national day soon. Happy Birthday Singapore!! Nice theme song...Congrats Hady Mirza!! Such a beautiful song!! Miss Singapore so so much!! Uwaaaaa...Kan nangis ku eh...

Tomorrow is my teaching day. Mentioned it in my preious entries. Hope that its going to be a smooth teaching session. Still havent got a clue on what topics to cover but its ok. I'm just the session impromptu!! Not that i've never done that before...luckily in all those cases, i did quite well..Haha..just my luck i guess.

As for my preparation for the exams on friday...havent started even a tiny bit...Malas bah kan membaca..but got to force myself to do some reading esok... C'mmon Duan..you know that you are strong in overcoming the Malas thingy so get ur freak on..eh...nama lagu tu..apa plg tesampuk nama lagi ani...get moving & get going la...atu baru tah ngam!! Give me support ppl...so that i wont slack...haha..which im prone to i suppose...Well, wish me luck for tomorrow's teaching sessions..hope they are some cute guys there...Boh..an begatal tah tu...Laku tah krg!!!