Warkah Buat Ibu Tersayang...

Hello ppl out there...Been having ups & downs during the past few days...but im doing fine...still alive & kicking...kicking whatever that i can kick...hehe...Anyway, received an email from a friend of mine which has this writing in the email. While reading it, i cried & felt how the author must have felt when he/she was writing it. Not because i've gone thru that but i could feel how the author feel missing someone so dear in life..A MOTHER..i know i wont be strong to face that but.....sorry ppl..i cant write anymore coz im truly in tears reading this ..


Mak.....
Terlalu bosan rasanya duduk membilang hari.....
Dah hampir sepuluh bulan mak pergi,
Rasanya baru semalam mak peluk kiter kan sejuk syahdu masih terasa lagi nih....

Mak tau tak..... itu lah pertama kali mak peluk anak mak yang nakal ni sejak kiter dewasa.....
dan itu juga terakhir kali nya.
Emmmm...rupanya mak dah tau mak nak pergi jauh.....
nak tinggal kan anak2 mak..... nak tinggal kan dunia fana ni.....

Mak macam dah sedia.....
Seminggu sebelum tu.....
mak dah menganyam tikar mengkuang 3 helai.....
Akak kata sampai ke pagi mak anyam tikar tuu....
tanpa rasa mengantuk, tanpa rasa letih.....
kakak pun rasa hairan.....
mak tak penah buat gitu.....

Pastu mak pasang radio kecil di sebelah mak.....
tapi mak seolah2 tak sedar bahawa rancangan radio tu siaran siam ......
kengkadang siaran indonesia ...
mak terus tekun menganyam...
Rupanya tikar yang telah mak siapkan tu di gunakan untuk mengiringi mak ke kuburan...

Pastu mak sapu sampah sekeliling rumah bersih2.....
pastu mak jemur karpet-karpet. ..
pastu mak ubahkan sofa ke tempat lain..
mak biarkan ruang tu kosong..
rupanya kat situ jenazah mak diletakkan..

Paling menarik sekali mak bgtau kat maner sume duit dan barang kemas mak..
ada kat dalam almari.....
ada kat dalam dalam beg.....
ada dalam ASB.....
ada kat dalam Tabung Haji..
mak cakap tak berapa cukup lagi....
ada kat dalam gulung tikar.....

masa tu mak perasan takk..??
kiter gelak sakan bila mak bgtau duit dalam gulung tikar...
kiter kata mak ni memang pesenn lama laaa...
mak cuma gelak jer...
eeemmm..bahagiaa nya saat ituu..

Mak.....
Hari tu hari sabtu 18/08/1999 pukul 3 petang mak tiba2 sakit perut.....
bila malam tu kiter sampai dari KL.....
mak dah dalam kesakitan.
Akak dan abang kat kampong semua dah pujuk.....
mak tetap takmau pi hospital.... .
dan cuma tinggal giliran kiter sahaja yang belum pujuk..
Mak kata mak tak mau duduk dalam hospital....
tapi kiter berkeras juga pujuk..
nanti di hospital ada doktor...
ada ubat untuk mak..
kat rumah kami hanya mampu sapu minyak dan urut jer..

Mak tetap tak bersetuju...
mak memang degil..
tak salah, anak mak yang ni pon mengikut perangai mak tu..
Tapi akhirnya bila melihat keadaan mak makin teruk....
mak sakit perut sampai nak sentuh perut mak pon sakit
kami adik beradik sepakat hantar juga mak ke hospital....

Mak.....
amponkan kami semua...
kami nak mak sehat...
kami sayang mak...
kami tak mau mak sakit...
kami terpaksa juga hantar mak ke hospital....
ampon kan kami yer mak....

Mak.....
Malam itu abang bawa mak ke hospital
dan itu lah pertama dan terakhir kali mak naik kereta kiter....
Masih terbayang betapa ceria dan gembiranya mak,
kiter kata nak beli kereta....
Mak asyik tanya ajer..
cukup ker duitt..
kiter jawab pula...
kalau tak cukup, mak kan banyak duit...
mak gelak ajerr......

Lepas tu bila kereta kiter sampai....
mak buat kenduri kesyukuran.. ....
Dan kiter masih ingat lagi...
bila kiter eksiden terlanggar Ah-Chong naik motor.....
Punya la kiter takut...
kiter warning kakak kiter jangan sesekali bgtau kat mak.....
Bila balik sahaja kampong....
kiter cepat-cepat simpan keta dalam garaj.....
Tapi mak perasan juga bumper depan kemek...
mak tanya kenapa...?
Selamba jerr kiter jawab terlangar pokok bunga.....

Mak....
tujuan kiter menipu tu supaya mak tak risau...
Maafkan kiter kerana sampai mak pergi mak tak tau hal sebenar...
mak, kiter menipu mak kan ...
ampon kan kiter....

Mak.....
Jam 4.30 pa gi 19/08 /2006
Bila tiba aja kat hospital....
nurse tengah balut mak dengan kain putih.....
mak mesti nampak kiter jatuh terduduk di lantai hospital...
Mesti mak nampak abang cium dahi mak.....
Mesti mak nampak akak baca doa untuk mak....
Mesti mak nampak adik terduduk kat kerusi kat sudut itu...
mesti mak nampak semua tu kann...kann. .kannn

Mak tau tak....
Pagi tu balik dari hospital jam 5.20 pagi kiter mamandu dalam keadaan separuh sedar....
Adik kat sebelah diam melayan perasann...
Kenangan bersama mak berputar dalam kepala ini...
jalan di depan terasa makin kelam.....
airmata dah tak mampu di tahan....
Masa tu seandainya apa-apa terjadi di jalan itu kiter rela...
Namun alhamdulillah akhirnya kiter sampai juga...
di sebab kan pagi masih awal, jadi jalan tu lenggang..
kosong. ...sekosong hati ini.....
Sepanjang perjalanan terasa kedinginan subuh itu lain benar suasananya.. .....
terasa syahdu dan sayu...dinginnnn. ....

Mak.....
Kiter masih ingat lagi...
Kiter baca AlQuran kat tepi mak temankan mak...
Jam 11.00 pagi mak di mandi kan ......
Anak2 mak yang pangku masa mak mandi....
Mak mesti rasa betapa lembut nya kami mengosok seluruh tubuh mak.....
Kiter gosok kaki mak perlahan lahan.....
Mak perasan tak...?

Makcik yang mandikan mak tu pujuk kiter.....
Dia kata...' dikk...jangan nangis...kalau sayang mak jangan buat gitu...jangan nangis ya..'
Bila makcik tu kata gitu...
lagi laaaa laju airmata ni..
tapi kiter kawal supaya tak menitik atas mak....

Mak.....
Sampai takat ini surat ni kiter tulis.....
kiter nangis ni.....
Ni kat dlm bilik...baru pukul 4.00 pagi....
Takder orang yang bangun lagi.....
kiter dengar nasyid tajuk 'anak soleh' kiter sedih...
kiter rindu kat mak..!
Takpa la....
nanti bila kita selesai sembanyang subuh, kiter baca yassin untuk mak...
mak tunggu ya..!

Mak..
Sebelum muka mak di tutup buat selamanya...
Semua anak2 mak mengelilingi mak...
menatap wajah mak buat kali terakhir....
Semua orang kata mak seolah2 senyum aja...
Mak rasa tak....
masa tu kiter sentuh dahi mak....
kiter rasa sejukkkk sangat dahi makk.....
Kiter tak mampu nak cium mak...
kiter tak daya.....
kiter tuliskan kalimah tauhid kat dahi mak dengan air mawar...
Airmata kiter tak boleh tahan....
Mak mesti ingat kan yang anak mak ni jadi imam solat jenazah untuk mak...
tapi kite suruh tok imam bacakan doa sebab kite sebak....

Jam 12 tengahari mak diusung keluar dari rumah....
Akak pula dah terkulai dlm pelukan makcik...
badan akak terasa panas...
makk...
anak mak yang seorang tu demam....

Mak tauu...
cuma akak sorang saja anak mak yang tak mengiringi mak ke tanah perkuburan.. .
Mak.....
Hari2 ku lalui tanpa kewujudan mak lagi...
Begitu terasa kehilangan mak...
boleh kata setiap malam selepas maghrib anak mak ini berendam airmata...
Dan sampai satu tahap....
masa tu malam jumaat selepas maghrib...
Selepas kiter baca yassin ngan kawan-kawan. ....
entah kenapa biler kat bilik kiter keluarkan gambar2 mak pastu apa lagi...
semakin kiter tenung terasa semakin sayu...
tangisan tak dapat dibendung...

Mak tauu...
kiter cuba bertahan....
memujuk diri sendiri tapi tak juga reda...
Kiter rasa nak telefon mak...
nak cakap dengan mak....
anak mak yang ni dah tak betul kan ...?
Dan akhirnya dalam sedu sedan itu kiter telefon kampong...
Kiter cakap dengan kakak..kiter nangis lagi...
Puas la kakak memujuk kiter...
Akak kata...' tak baik laa nangis aje..doa lah untuk mak..'
Dan akhirnya akak juga nangis.....

Mak tau tak..
di saat itu kerinduan terasa menusuk sehingga ke hulu hati...
rasa nyilu sangat...
menusuk-nusuk sehingga terasa begitu sakit dalam dada ni....
Sampai sekarang bila kerinduan itu menjelma...
hanya sedekah al-fatihah kiter berikan.....

Mak....
cukup la sampai sini dulu....
kawan kiter dah ketuk pintu bilik tu....
kejap lagi kami nak pergi solat subuh kat masjid...
selalunya, kiter yang bawak mak naik motor kan .....
kali ni kiter jalan kaki dengan kawan pulak...
esok kiter ingat nak tulis surat kat ayah pula....
Mula2 kiter tak tau nak hantar mana surat nih...
pastu kawan kiter bgtau...
simpan je buat kenangan..
Kiter cuma tau alamat ni aje...
Takper yer mak...
kiter kasi orang lain baca...
Kiter stop dulu...
sebab kawan kiter dah lama tunggu tu...
akhir kata untuk mak,
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
dan jutaan terima kasih kerana membesarkan kiter...
memberi seluruh kasih sayang dari kecil sampai masuk sekolah..
sampai masuk unibesiti..
sampai kiter boleh rase naik kapal terbang...
boleh rasa duduk kat negara orang...
sampai akhir hayat ini jasa mak tak akan mampu kiter balas..

Sekian terima kasih,
Yang Benar Anak mak yang dah tak degil

Something to ponder....

Found this in a profile....read it & think of what it says...makes us truly cherish & appreciate those people that we call 'friends' around us...P.S Sorry..its in Malay...

Apabila kau ingin SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Janganlah kerana kelebihannya,
Kerana mungkin dengan satu kelemahan,
Kau mungkin akan menjauhinya....

Andai kau ingin SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Janganlah kerana kebaikannya,
Kerana mungkin dengan satu keburukan,
Kau akan membencinya....

Andai kau inginkan SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Janganlah kerana ilmunya,
Kerana apabila dia buntu,
Kau mungkin akan memfitnahnya....

Andai kau inginkan SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Janganlah kerana sifat cerianya,
Kerana andai dia tidak pandai menceriakan,
Kau mungkin akan menyalahkannya....

Andai kau inginkan SESEORANG sebagai teman,
Terimalah dia seadanya,
Kerana dia seorang TEMAN ,
Yang hanya manusia biasa....

Kelemahan ... Kekurangan ... Keburukan ..
Kalau itu yang kau boleh terima dari seorang TEMAN
Tidak mustahil kau akan memperolehi keseimbangan dalam berteman
Kerana kau juga tidak sempurna,
Tiada siapa yang sempurna.....

Selamat Menyambut Ramadan...

Hello ppl of the world..hehe..mcm banar bah me ah becakap sama ppl m around the world..Been quite a long time since my last entry..just been busy d past week or so...busy doing stuff at work & life..not so much of life plg tu..Im on my 1st night shift & its the start of 1st Ramadan...

Sambil2 kan menunggu sahur...i decided to do some writing in my blog...colleagues yg lain udah knock down...kepisan tapi i know drg atu tido2 ayam..ia tah krg kan makan drg for sahur coz semua jadi ayam dah hehe...Anyway, would like to wish all muslims around the world a joyful & happy Ramadan...1 mth of fasting..the holy month of Ramadan marks the time when muslims around the world would fast from dawn till dusk...enduring all the challenges that Allah have in mind for each individual muslim.

Was remembering those times when i started the fasting month in spore last year. The fasting month fell during the 2 wks 'block' week where all of us were in the poly for our theory. If my mind remembers correctly..i had one exams paper during that time or was it a few of my assignments were due for submission. But i managed to do it & submitted them on time.

Fasting month & being in another country was quite a sad thing coz the 5 of us who were there for studies were actually 1st timers having to fast & endure the fasting month away from our families. Its a tradition for Bruneian muslims to gather during the breaking fast on the 1st day of Ramadan. But for us, it was just the 5 of us & we had classes but it was a great experience. I remembered that we all gather at one of the girls' house & was planning to bring food for breaking fast. Among us, i finished my classes early so i had ample time for rest & going out to buy food for the gathering later. But..knowing me being the sleepy head...slept thru till abt 6pm...

Noticing that it was 6pm & thinking in mind that the breaking fast time was similar to the time in Brunei...i jumped out of bed..had a quick shower & took a cab to buy some food & thinking "Shit..Shit..Shit!!..im late & they must have been waiting my share of food. When i arrived at the girls' place..i saw them still waiting for the time to break fast...being so used to breaking fast at a regular time in Brunei...the waiting for Spore's time was painstaking..haha..lapar bah..coz that morning ..i had an early sahur coz my classes started at 8am ulike the girls where their classes started around 10am i think.

So kami ani biasa la..belimpangan udah mcm langau kana spray shieldtox...kes kelaparan banar udah & moderately dehydrated. Makanan udah pld behidang di atas meja..menunggu kana jamah je..mcm di Brunei..menungga tah kami ni azan d tv coz nda tau channel apa kan di tune in for azan arah radio..haha..almost 9mths d spore.,.masih jua nda tau which channel kan mendangar azan..ketara bah channel lain yg di dangar..kwang3x...

Anyway..tunnggu punya tunggu..nada jua azan ani..so one of decided to call our muslim frens d spore..rupanya udah dlm 10mins urg sungkai..atu ya bila udah tau atu..bediri bah tarus sorang2..baca niat buka posa & dengan rakusnya makan..haha..nada lah..tertib masih kami walaupun kelaparan...as usual semua makanan kan di rasa..had a long list of menu on the table...tapi yg di jamah..sikit2 jua ganya...

Lahib bah usul sorang2 time makan ah...tapi jgn silap..masih control ayu sorang2...as usual..lapas makan..begambar tah jua coz betenaga udah sorang2 kan senyum...hehe..sadly one of us nada in the pic coz classnya abis akhir & she had group discussion jua for the project that they are doing..kesian jua tu...mcm tah drg nda dapat tundaka ke esoknya coz kami kan kumpul sama2 for sungkai...ceh!!...binawi bnr drg ah..but its ok...we left some food for her..in fact a lot..mcm2 bule di talannya bila ia balik & bule lagi bah jua pakai sahur..

The days after that was mcm hari2 biasa je di sana atu..mcm nda posa jua rasanya coz nda kerasahan bah suasana posa di sana...tampat membali barang penyungkaian pun a bit far so slalunya i just tapau from poly's cafeteria or biasa la d kadai b4 balik.

After the 2 wks, kami semua kuar for our clinical attachments. The girls mostly kana morning shift & office hours but me kana shift duties di Kandang Kerbau Women & Child Health Hospital. D spore..kaja mcm biasa..nda kira bangsa apa...so for me..kalau me posa..my break time atu biasa la..me ke nurses lounge d tingkat satu n catch up on my beauty sleep. Nada urang peduli kan behapa tani d lounge atu...kan bekaraoke bule...tido bule...basically apa2 saja bule la...but mesti during break time je...Ngalih la kaja di sana atu coz patients banyak berabis..the ward tampat me attachment atu lagi slalu full...kan patah saja nda kaki ani bah mejalan & buat kaja..posa tah lagi..dugaan tah bnr....but ada jua sioknya coz tau2 kan time sungkai tah udah if kaja ptg...kalau kaja pagi..balik rumah je tarus masuk bilik tarus pengsan..haha.

Ok lah nanti lagi me ceta my experiences posa d perantauan..mcm tah ada urang kan membaca..hehe..baru ani received a call from Emergency dept ..ada kanak2 masuk lagi...my 3rd admission for the shift...wuhuu..meriah eh..balum lagi ku sahur ni...will be having nasi goreng butter chicken for sahur...yum yum!!..mau..hehe..bah esok mlm lagi me sambung if ada kan me add & nda byk my patients...Ciao cutie ppl!!

Gaining peace in mind...

Been a few days since i've last write up any entries here. Quite a turmoil in my life lately...mostly depressing... :(

1stly, my application for sponsorship to Monash Uni was turned down. I was told that it was a basic nursing degree & they wanted me to do a degree specialising in paeds...& the only place that offers such degrees is the Uks. But i'm just wondering why i have to do so...the course that i took in Spore is a specialised one & its the same modules that the unis in Uks are offering. Why waste my time doing things that i have done & in fact its just gonna waste govt's money. Though in Uk, i would be offered a full time course for 2 yrs & in Monash i was offered a 3 yrs course, i would prefer going to Monash. Monash have allowed me to be exempted from most of the paeds modules that they offer & i was given the choice to take up other specialised modules like neonatal to fill up the 3 yrs course. That would be better & it wont be a waste. Just imagine!! i go to uk..get exempted in most of the paeds modules there..lots of free time...im just gonna be there for the sake of being there but not fulfilling what i wanted to do. If i'm sent to Monash, though i'll be doing basic nursing degree, it would be very beneficial for me. Its been almost 9 yrs that i've not done adult nursing and other nursing specialities. If i finished my studies & if im up for promotion, i would be knowledgable in handling cases other than my own field of speciality. How do you feel if you are the nursing officer on call & running the management of the nursing aspects of the hospital but you dont have a distinct idea of how to manage cases which are not from your field? Dont you think that you would look stupid as a senior but not knowing how to do so? i would!!

Anyway..if thats what they want me to do..i guess i just have to do so...i still wanna further my studies abroad...in order for me to do so...just follow la apa yg drg mau..nda di ikut then i wont get my chances to do so...payah nyamu...i do understand that we dont usually get what we want.

Was at the beach a few days ago....lapas lepak with my frens at LRC coz durang involve in the exhibition thingy di sana. After mendangani durang skajap & memanyap those displayed items, i sat at the beach...thinking abt my life...my career & everything that was encircling my life masa ani...since i had my camera with me so i just took snaps here & there but this picture of the beach just caught my attention. So calm...so peaceful...so smoothing to my eyes...How i wish my life is as calm & peaceful as the picture...but whats life without its ups & downs...bukan kehidupan namanya tu..nda ja?!! Hehe...Ntah ah sometimes i just feel that my life is just being quite unlucky but bila di pikirkan, there are quite a number of the 'ups' moments...those moments slalunya buat me appreciate me being myself...& most of the 'down's events have made me who i am..stronger but yet not strong enough..thats how i feel la abt myself.... Honestly there are times that i regretted living but i tried my best not to think abt that so much...krg gila ku..hehe..but andang jua udah aku ani gila...thats what most of my frens tell me..coz durang slalu liat me as the jovial person..aka happy-go-lucky lad...but whats inside of me..no one knows how i truly feel...the feeling of being unwanted, love deprived, useless and ada jua masanya unworthy of having happiness in this world. Lului plg rasanya kalau me pikirkan abt those stuff but thats just me. But 1 thing for sure..i dont mix my inner feelings with work...at work..im that so called cheerful, fun & at times sarcastic person...haha...laser bah mulut ani...but laser pun..baik kali ah...Baik kah?!! kwang3x!!!

Going on nite shift later...krg lagi menyambung my entry...kalau nda bz la d wad atu...children's ward..very un predictable..krg tah ku tangas pintu emergency d bawah atu..supaya nada kanak2 sakit datang...mcm banar bah me atu..hehe..anyway later peeps!!

Cutie Angels In My Heart

Don't they look like the cutest cuddly kids that one could ever love? When i'm feeling kinda down, they will always manage to put back the smile on my face. Lola..Anis..Danish...Love All Of You So So Much.....

Enough is ENOUGH...Here I come....

Raging anger inside of me? Why one may ask? Thats how i've been feeling the past few days...Tried my best to contain that emotion but i guess now is the BEST time to let everything out. Basically i have been mistreated for the kindness that i have given to ppl around me... Why are ppl doing this to me?

All my life, i have been trying my best to be Mr Nice guy to all the ppl around me especially to those ppl who were given the privilages to be someone special in my heart. Most of the time i end up being the person who gets all the hurt. I grieved and made terms with all the things & evenets that occured. I was weak & just gave in. NOT ANYMORE!! I have had enough of everything. I am the type of person who would give up everything just to make the person that i like or love or whatever that you ppl out there may call it but i do have my limits. After getting what they wanted, i'm just ignored now, unwanted & useless to those ppl who said they like me & starting to fall in love with me...URGGH!!!! Lies...ALL LIES!!...I was comfortable with my limited circles of frens..these ppl are the ones who are there & would still be there by my side especially during my ups & downs. I greatly appreciated these ppl & pls know that you all are in a very special place in my heart. You all mean everything..I really mean EVERYTHING...

Now back to those so called ppl who liked me or whatever bull that pops out of their mouth, i regretted knowing all of you. Thought that having 'you' would made my life filled with colours & sweetness of the world but NAH!! it just just too good to be true.. Maybe there was a momentarily glitch in your neuronal system that made 'you' went cuckoo...which i'm really praying hard you would be the world's worst 'cuckoo'. All of 'you' knew that if someone is good to me, i would be doubled or better in devoting myself to the friendship or relationship but if that person hurts me without any apparent reasons, i can be the newly found HE-DEVIL that the world has ever known. They obviously wanted to see the devil in me so for all of 'you', here it comes. Crawling & tearing each & every dignity that 'you' may have. My goal is now to just keep my life going, making myself happy but at the same time i'm just gonna plan my next moves in making those 'you' a hell of a life. Don't expect any kindness from me coz there wou'nt be any for 'you'. Being cruel and sarcastic would be the In-thing for me now but only to them. Play with fire & will definitely get a stronger one in return. Me ani nda pulang mudah penyampai hati but kalau udah kana buat mcm ani..yes i would do it. Pebaik tah urang atu ampai2 dying & asking for my help, i would just let them rot to death for all i care. Kalau udah jahat atu..baik tah ku jahat berabis. Done a whole lot of sins in my life so adding one more would just be nothing for me. Sama jua me sendiri yang tanggung. I hate myself having to treat ppl like this but 'you' made me to do so. Its just not my nature & against my principles in life but what the hack!! Just do what i've got to do & be done with it. I'm still giving them chances to explain their actions but these chances have their time limits so better start thinking of how & what to say coz once im fed up...i'll be a machine gun aiming each & every word that comes out of my mouth to 'you' as my target.

Non-sleepy Morning..AGAIN!!

Back from work this morning...suppose to be doing what the picture shows...but NOT!! Selalu bah macam ani a couple of times so got used to it plg hehe. The baby sleeps so soundly & so so cute & cuddly...kinda like me...hehe...BANAR!!...sama tu usulku kalau ku tido....YA Think!! rite?!!!

Was looking at my friendster account...viewing those 'friends' that i've added. Most of them are those that have requested to be added on my friends' list but have no communication whatsoever with them. Well that's cyberworld. Cant be bothered actually as long as they dont disturb me & my life...so be it.

Work was ok last night. One of our old patient was admitted due to his chronic condition. The last time is saw him when a few months ago & he was quite ok. Still manage to throw me a smile though he was in pain while i took some blood sample from him. Cried for a while that time but he knows that i have to do it. Still remembered when he was 1st diagnosed with the condition that he's having now. His joints esp those at his fingers were swollen, tender & moderately swolen. Thrying to entertain him coz he was kinda gloomy that day, i imitate how a penguin walked & at the same time Pingu was on tv. He managed to imitate Pingu's walk better than i did Haha!! thus i nicknamed him 'Pingu'. He usually walked around the wardusing his comfy flip flop...actually bedroom slippers with a bunny at the tip of the slippers. So so cute!! That incident would always be there in my mind....

Now he's back in the ward....BUT this time is isnt cheerful...he looks frail, so so thin....bony everywhere...was on IV fluids & monitors. The disease has affected his liver & kidneys and from the looks of things...he deteriorating...at quite a fast rate i should say. The way night he was running fever despite of the meds that my colleagues & i gave. After midnight, he woke up & asked for some fried crabsticks that his dad bought early in the evening. Ate a piece i think & went to sleep. This morning ariund 5 am to 6 am, he woke up while my colleagues were checking him. He requested his mom to take him down to the food shop at Block B's lobby czo he wanted to buy some food. I wasn't there coz i was at the counter after giving meds to other patients. Sad isnt it? It was his 4th birthday yesterday & was admitted on that day. I went to his room to see how he was doing & i just can't bear looking at him in that state..so thin..so weak...Crystal of tears started to form & before they could be obviously seen, i walked out of the room & tried my best to keep them from falling. I know that i should be strong & should be immune to such situations after the years that i've worked with children & babies that were very sick. With him, its just different. Being one of our patients in the ward..he kinda stick to us coz he's cute & funny at times with such a sweet smile..Cool looking when he uses his sunglasses in the ward...As for now...i just pray hard for his recovery though i know he's going downhill in his health. No cure for his condition but we still give him the best care possible to make him feel comfortable. Will be on night shift again later so will see how's he is progressing. Quite sleepy now...do need my beauty sleep hehe..ganya..nda jua mau handsome bah mua ani...makin bida ada plg...haha..later ppl...will write more later if im not that busy at work...