This yr marks my 12th yr working as a nurse...Wow...I lasted that long...most probably its due to my passion of working in the medical & health profession. Currently working in the children's ward, i found that my interest in caring for these babies & tiny tots have grown greatly which led me to further my studies in this specialised field. Working with them still fulfill me & makes me feel that i made a difference in their lives though caring for them was just a momentarily lapse in their lives..but who cares!! As long as i gave them my best care & attention during their stay in the ward, i'm sure the parents would appreciate & remember me..not that i expect recognition of the services that i gave Hehe...but it wouldn't hurt though to be appreciated & remembered.
The past few days have been quite a turnover in my daily life. Was actually feeling quite down with myself. Lately, i just feel that it's not worth living anymore. Really feels that im lonely in this world, no one cares for me..no one loves me for who i am, feeling that i've not done anything to improve my career, a failure in my love life,a failure in everything!! Why am i feeling so? I just can't find the answers to those feelings. People may say it's stupid of me to be thinking about those things but i really can't help myself to do so. People see me as the jovial person at work, at social events etc but what's deep inside of me, i manage to become a chameleon; hiding the true inner feelings thats raging inside me. I do hope that the feelings would fade & go away soon..coz its just killing me soft from within.
Currently i'm starting to have feelings of love with someone...someone younger than me...but i'm just feeling that this someone is not into me anymore. I know that this someone says he misses me & loves me but i'm just not too sure about that. He isn't the type of person that would clearly show & express his feelings but i just can't help thinking about him & his sincerity. Maybe because we just knew each other but i'm willing to learn more about him & i just hope that he's willing to do so about myself. Still trying to get use to his styles & ways of communicating & interactions but at times i do feel that i'm just there for him when he feels lonely. I do want to tell him how much i feel about him but i'm not sure that i can. I do know that the relationshp that we are having is kind of in a rush but i'm happy the way things are between the two of us. I do feel that at times, i meant nothing to him..i can't lie about that...but when he's with me, i do feel the chemistry between us. The ways he talk, behave when he's with me..everything makes me feel that i'm comfortable. I'm the type of person who is quite determined & hard-headed when its comes to making life choices, decision etc but when i'm with him..i just gave in to whatever he wants..not that he is a demanding person..he's this sweet guy who would make any guy happy & proud to have him as a partner. He is cute, no doubt about that, but its not his looks that im going for...its his heart & his personality aka characters that mystify me in each & every way. Makes him the mystery person that i really want to explore & be a part of me. The quest of getting to know him & understanding him drives me crazy...not hairwired crazy..but a good feeling crazy... :) The way he teases me doesn't hurt my feelings at all...kinda funny actually. How i wish i can tell him that he's on my mind 25hrs a day & im really falling for him.
Had just send in my application form to apply for a government sponsorship for my studies in Melbourne , Australia next February. Was given a full offer to do my degree in Monash University. I have yet to do my IELTS exams and in oder for my application to be considered, i need to achieve an overall score of band 7 in the exams. Kinda difficult i know..mainly due to my horrid grasp in english...but i'll definitely try my best..that's for sure...if its for the pursue of my career, upgrading my education, knowledge & future..i'll do whatever it takes to succeed.
I'm gonna have 2 off days & on wednesday, i'll be teaching first aid & cpr to the staff of Swiss Hotel. Venue will be Nurses Home but i'm not sure of the crowd that my colleagues & i would be facing. That reminds me...need to ask the HOD on what topics that he would like us to cover in the lectures & practical session. It a whole day thingy & i'll try to make the day a fun-filled one for them as well as an educational one i hope hehe...
This friday, 8th August, my bestfriend & i along with other colleagues from other nursing specialities would be sitting for our promotion examination conducted by MOH of Brunei. Still not quite sure with regards to the format of the exams & what to read..not study...in preparation for it. Some seniors say read these topics...some say other topics...i'm just mindstruck with their responses & told myself...'Relax...just do your best...its just an exam...something that i've done many times...the questions can't be that difficult if i put my mind into it...as for the promotion...there are more seniors that are in line for the promotion so don't ever think of getting mine soon..haha...not that i'm hoping for a promotion...holding a senior post isn't the easier way in a career...it means a tougher job with a whole lot of new & added responsibilities...not sure i'm ready for that...haha!! Still quite a ding dong in these things.
Oh shitt!! i can't seem to take my mind of that someone that i mentioned earlier...his face keeps popping in my mind...I am getting nuts, right? A standing ovation for those who agrees on this...The more i tried to not think about him..the more his sweet smiling face pops in my mind...Yeah yeah...i am thinking about him but does he thinks about me? He's sound asleep right now coz he's need to get up early & drive to the capital early morning as he works in the capital & only comes back to our hometown during the weekends. Nevertheless i do hope he makes time to see me & spend time with me. I doubt that he would but i guess i have to be ok with that. It would just show how much he thinks of me...Hey..hey..enough of those puking love tales..haha...im sure by now..friends reading my 1st blog entry would be nauseated..Hehe!! Don't vomit ah..but if wanna vomit..not on my blog ok..
Feeling kinda sleepy now but have to keep eyes wide open...partly to look after the children here & partly to finish up writing this 1st entry in the so called virgin blog of mine Haha!! Will post updates more soon..till then..pray for me so that my spirit would be uplifted soon...if not, i'll just sie & let my ghost haunt all those who read my blog....If i become Hantu...for sure a flirty, gatal, sarcastic Hantu lo!!
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