Look how cute he is...That's my Danish..Amirul Danish to be exact...Not mine though..he's my bro's. He'll be 6 months this august. Always wondered if i would have one of my own..my flesh & blood...Haha when will that happen? Something to ponder right?
Anyway, its 4.30am now & I'm still wide awake..Wondering why? 1stly, slept basically the whole day!! Didn't have a good sleep on Sunday after my 1st night shift due to certain things on my mind. So paid back those deprived sleep hours after my 2nd night shift...2ndly, Had a good chat with my bestfriend Jus & chat online with my close friend, Noy, who helped me a lot with these blogging stuff. Thanks Jus & Noy!!
Received a txt msg from this someone that i'm falling for saying that he's gonna call me but sadly he didn't. Maybe he forgot to do so, maybe he decided not to do so or for whatever reasons i don't know. But nevertheless he is still in my mind. Missing him! I just think that he must be so tired after waking up so early to get ready & drove all the way to the capital for his work. He could also be having a busy day at work & went home very tired & decided to rest & sleep & totally forgot to call me. Just trying to think positively on what has happened. Just to let him know, i'm still waiting for his call..miss hearing him voive..miss hearing him call me abg, miss d smile on his face..basically miss everything about him..don't know he does feel the same way about me....
Texted my bestfriend, Jus & we went out for drinks at Zuki's Cafe in Seria in the later part of the evening while having an online chat with Noy, one of my close friends. Its been quite a while since i have such outings with Jus. Wasn't quite chatty with Jus coz she knew i was a bit busy doing stuff to my blog. Sorry for that Jus...i'll make it up to you..i promise!! But we did brought up certain issues pertaining to the latest news going round our place of work..oh yeah...Jus is in the same profession as i..classmates in fact..Hehehe!! Been best of friends since 1993. Both of us will be sitting for the promotion exams this friday but none of us have actually sat down & do our reading like what we are 'suppose' to do. Don't know what to read mah!! Kanasai!!
Noy who was chatting online with me was such a great help in improing my blog...Clever clever girl...or should i say clever clever big mama!! Jangan marah Noy!! Krg ku jual ko sama lakimu!! Keke!! But seriously Noy..i thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me. Such a good tutor & quite a demanding one la!!..Tacuut ku!! krg kana acut ku ulihnya..Ia ani lagi Cigu tapi Cigu apa..rahsia la..kan ..kan..Noy?!!
Im just wondering what am i gonna do later? Sleep is a definite thingy but after that..ntah ah..maybe go for my swim...Makin itam tah lagi ku ni...but no worries..i feel good, healthy & i look good thats more important...& gotta do my push ups jua eh...2 days no push ups..lain bah rasa badan ani...kalau rajin tarus sama sit ups a bit & use my dumbells...Not to buff up my body plg...just to keep it toned je..tapi toned kan? Haha perasan aku ah...nda jua berapa my badan ani...i still feel that i'm fat..kalau ku liat di ceramin plg tu...Maybe i am still fat...i wonder if the dietician would help me reduce my weight further & lose those side-skirts & bodykits that i have on me...macam kereta tah plg bunyinya badan me ani..What do u ppl think? Maybe its gonna be good for me to lose some more weights rite?
I still need to make time for myself to actually sit & do my reading for the exams la..i may look unworried but deep inside i'm so sacred & nervous...biasa la..senantiasa nervous when it comes to exams...mudahan tah sanag...but bila jua kan sanang kalau nda membaca..nda ja? Pandainye!!
In my mind right now are 2 things: 1) Will this someone call me & explain to me what happened to him on Sunday & Monday..i just need an explanation. Wanting to let him know how much i miss him jua tapi ntah ah...patut ka ku gitau ia catu? Krg malas ia kan mendangar...2) Can't help thinking about the group that i'm gonna teach 1st aid & cpr to Wednesday ani. Ok ka nda urg2nya?...Will they be able to understand apa yg kan me ajar & will they be able to cope? Sometimes me ani tebawa-bawa bah coz been teaching nurses about these stuff. So teaching the public about 1st aid & cpr is quite a mind-boggling thingy for me. I'm quite used to converse in english & doing presentations as well as lectures in english so kadang2 payah bah kan translate those terms into Malay...opps..jangan pikir me ani taiming or ambung ah...honestly i do feel more comfortable talking in english...bilingual la..mixed english & malay. Anyway, wish me luck...kalau ada jua good looking atu..siuk jua..bukannya apa..ada jua kan di urat..eh salah..ada jua kan di liat...See but don't touch policy..Haha..Banar kan nda tu?!!...
Monday 4 August 2008
Feelings Slightly Uplifted....
Loner's Blog Debut...
This yr marks my 12th yr working as a nurse...Wow...I lasted that long...most probably its due to my passion of working in the medical & health profession. Currently working in the children's ward, i found that my interest in caring for these babies & tiny tots have grown greatly which led me to further my studies in this specialised field. Working with them still fulfill me & makes me feel that i made a difference in their lives though caring for them was just a momentarily lapse in their lives..but who cares!! As long as i gave them my best care & attention during their stay in the ward, i'm sure the parents would appreciate & remember me..not that i expect recognition of the services that i gave Hehe...but it wouldn't hurt though to be appreciated & remembered.
The past few days have been quite a turnover in my daily life. Was actually feeling quite down with myself. Lately, i just feel that it's not worth living anymore. Really feels that im lonely in this world, no one cares for me..no one loves me for who i am, feeling that i've not done anything to improve my career, a failure in my love life,a failure in everything!! Why am i feeling so? I just can't find the answers to those feelings. People may say it's stupid of me to be thinking about those things but i really can't help myself to do so. People see me as the jovial person at work, at social events etc but what's deep inside of me, i manage to become a chameleon; hiding the true inner feelings thats raging inside me. I do hope that the feelings would fade & go away soon..coz its just killing me soft from within.
Currently i'm starting to have feelings of love with someone...someone younger than me...but i'm just feeling that this someone is not into me anymore. I know that this someone says he misses me & loves me but i'm just not too sure about that. He isn't the type of person that would clearly show & express his feelings but i just can't help thinking about him & his sincerity. Maybe because we just knew each other but i'm willing to learn more about him & i just hope that he's willing to do so about myself. Still trying to get use to his styles & ways of communicating & interactions but at times i do feel that i'm just there for him when he feels lonely. I do want to tell him how much i feel about him but i'm not sure that i can. I do know that the relationshp that we are having is kind of in a rush but i'm happy the way things are between the two of us. I do feel that at times, i meant nothing to him..i can't lie about that...but when he's with me, i do feel the chemistry between us. The ways he talk, behave when he's with me..everything makes me feel that i'm comfortable. I'm the type of person who is quite determined & hard-headed when its comes to making life choices, decision etc but when i'm with him..i just gave in to whatever he wants..not that he is a demanding person..he's this sweet guy who would make any guy happy & proud to have him as a partner. He is cute, no doubt about that, but its not his looks that im going for...its his heart & his personality aka characters that mystify me in each & every way. Makes him the mystery person that i really want to explore & be a part of me. The quest of getting to know him & understanding him drives me crazy...not hairwired crazy..but a good feeling crazy... :) The way he teases me doesn't hurt my feelings at all...kinda funny actually. How i wish i can tell him that he's on my mind 25hrs a day & im really falling for him.
Had just send in my application form to apply for a government sponsorship for my studies in Melbourne , Australia next February. Was given a full offer to do my degree in Monash University. I have yet to do my IELTS exams and in oder for my application to be considered, i need to achieve an overall score of band 7 in the exams. Kinda difficult i know..mainly due to my horrid grasp in english...but i'll definitely try my best..that's for sure...if its for the pursue of my career, upgrading my education, knowledge & future..i'll do whatever it takes to succeed.
I'm gonna have 2 off days & on wednesday, i'll be teaching first aid & cpr to the staff of Swiss Hotel. Venue will be Nurses Home but i'm not sure of the crowd that my colleagues & i would be facing. That reminds me...need to ask the HOD on what topics that he would like us to cover in the lectures & practical session. It a whole day thingy & i'll try to make the day a fun-filled one for them as well as an educational one i hope hehe...
This friday, 8th August, my bestfriend & i along with other colleagues from other nursing specialities would be sitting for our promotion examination conducted by MOH of Brunei. Still not quite sure with regards to the format of the exams & what to read..not study...in preparation for it. Some seniors say read these topics...some say other topics...i'm just mindstruck with their responses & told myself...'Relax...just do your best...its just an exam...something that i've done many times...the questions can't be that difficult if i put my mind into it...as for the promotion...there are more seniors that are in line for the promotion so don't ever think of getting mine soon..haha...not that i'm hoping for a promotion...holding a senior post isn't the easier way in a career...it means a tougher job with a whole lot of new & added responsibilities...not sure i'm ready for that...haha!! Still quite a ding dong in these things.
Oh shitt!! i can't seem to take my mind of that someone that i mentioned earlier...his face keeps popping in my mind...I am getting nuts, right? A standing ovation for those who agrees on this...The more i tried to not think about him..the more his sweet smiling face pops in my mind...Yeah yeah...i am thinking about him but does he thinks about me? He's sound asleep right now coz he's need to get up early & drive to the capital early morning as he works in the capital & only comes back to our hometown during the weekends. Nevertheless i do hope he makes time to see me & spend time with me. I doubt that he would but i guess i have to be ok with that. It would just show how much he thinks of me...Hey..hey..enough of those puking love tales..haha...im sure by now..friends reading my 1st blog entry would be nauseated..Hehe!! Don't vomit ah..but if wanna vomit..not on my blog ok..
Feeling kinda sleepy now but have to keep eyes wide open...partly to look after the children here & partly to finish up writing this 1st entry in the so called virgin blog of mine Haha!! Will post updates more soon..till then..pray for me so that my spirit would be uplifted soon...if not, i'll just sie & let my ghost haunt all those who read my blog....If i become Hantu...for sure a flirty, gatal, sarcastic Hantu lo!!
